From a 4.97 star rating London UBER Driver, these are some basic pointers to be safe when ordering your ride and to make your driver happy as well. After all, you want to have a good relationship with the people that take you safely from A to B. We all know that you can’t connect with everyone, but by following some basic rules everyone’s ride should be as smooth as it can be.
1. Be At The Pickup Point Before The Driver Arrives
So, you decide to book an UBER thinking that you’ll be there before the driver arrives. Heck, I love UBER because they’re everywhere at any time, but when I actually decide to book one I think the driver will take a while. Wrong! Book only when you are there, or at least meters away from the pickup point. When you book a car without being there you don’t know where you drop the pin, if it’s a bus stop, red line, roundabout, or other restrictions. After driving for almost a year with UBER I realised how irrational people are. I’m being booked by people still in the club, on the train, still shopping, etc.. Be considerate and think about making it easy for your driver as well. The time you have to meet me is not there to be consumed and abused. Thus, I can be there in less than a minute if I’m nearby. Time is everything for UBER drivers and by stalling you force the driver to lose money. BE THERE WHEN I ARRIVE!
2. The Driver Has Eight Minutes To Reach You. Three Minutes For Pool.
This time is for the driver to come and pick you up, and not wait time. If the driver decides to wait for you 2-3 min it is purely his choice, and again, hurry up! When you press “confirm request” you need to be ready. Remember, time is money!
3. If You Carry Heavy Luggage Don’t Book UBER Pool
A lot of people with heavy luggage often book me through UBER Pool. Just imagine if you fill up my boot and I still have three open seats. Other people book me as well before dropping you off and they all have the same amount of luggage. What then? You want to be picked up from a restricted area and driven in style, with a lot of heavy luggage and really cheap, and if you could, you wouldn’t want to pay anything either… I’m putting a lot of strain on my car on fewer pounds just to pleasure your fucking cheap ass. You also want me to help you with the luggage, you don’t even pay attention when loading it and chip the paint on my vehicle, and leaving a tip seems outrageous to you! You’re shit if you are this type of person. Order a black cab for the appropriate treatment…
4. If Your Driver is Helping You With The Luggage You Should Definitely Tip At The End
Most riders act like I should definitely help them with the luggage. NO! That is not included in the contract between you and UBER, or between me and UBER. I am a different business partnered with UBER and I offer the service I choose to offer. If I decide to help you, it is nothing else than a courteous act that deserves your appreciation at the end. If you like the service, you should definitely tip. Plus, imagine having to lift heavy luggage after driving around for hours on end. Would you find it comfortable? I don’t have a very high star rating for nothing…
5. Be Clean Before Entering The Vehicle
The car I’m using for UBER is also my personal vehicle and I love to keep it in the best possible condition, for as long as possible. Why are you a bitch and get it dirty? Leaving crumbs on the seat, mud on the carpets, shoe marks on the leather, scratches, etc., is not allowed. Mi casa es su casa! Does it ring a bell? If I’m welcoming you into my clean house and give you the freedom to enjoy it, why don’t you take care of it like it’s your own? That is a no-no and makes you a prick. That will also bring you a zero star rating and even making you pay for the valeting service. The bill can sometimes go up to over £100.00. Are you up for it? UBER can also ban you from the platform. You pay only to be taken from A to B safely and comfortably. Maybe for a good chat too, if you’re up for it.
6. Don’t Ask For More Than What You Ordered
Cheap riders are a fucking pain in the ass! They always want to pay less for better service and still isn’t enough. I’m referring here at the occurring situation when someone books me through Pool, I pick up other people on the way, get the car fully occupied and then they all start complaining about the service, space, sharing that space with people they don’t know, etc.. They sigh and look so fucking disappointed like it’s the end of the world. You paid for this motherfucker! Take it in and don’t break the vibe, because you make it difficult for me to drive. You get what you paid for.
7. If You Smell Really Bad Don’t Book Through UBER
This is very important and for your own safety and mine, do not book UBER if you smell! I understand you won’t admit you reek, but still. You have no idea how difficult it is to drive with a smell that’s burning your eyes… Driving in London is already a huge challenge, I don’t need you disturbing my neutral odours and then hope I’ll offer you my best service. I might also kick you out of the car, even if I did start the trip. Private service does not go well with poor hygiene.
8. Do Not Try To Enter Or Get Out Of The Car At Traffic Lights, Or Before Stopping in A Safe Area
I know we cannot all be on the same wavelength, but do you want to die, like proper death, that one with Heaven, hell, or even worse, LIMBO??? If something happens to you I’ll get into a lot of trouble for which you’re not paying me enough. Follow my instructions you crazy bastard, I’m your captain!
9. Do Not Expect Me To Pick You Up From Restricted Areas
These are: Red Lines (single or double, during working hours), Bus Stops, Bus Lanes (during working hours), Roundabouts, Traffic Lights, Middle Of Intersection, Yellow Squares, Zigzag Lines (white and yellow), Fire Stations, Hospital Emergency Entrance, Zebra Crossings, TAXI Ranks (I’m not a TAXI) and School Entrances.
10. Use Google To Find Me
I understand, technology fails sometimes, it’s far from perfect, but are you an idiot? I arrive at the place where the pin is, I don’t have much leverage to turn or try to find you, I’m also driving, what next? Can you drive, use the map, speak on the phone and search for people, or locations in the same time? You’re walking, try to find me! Don’t tell me you don’t know where B@1 is… Open your fucking Google Maps fast and find me. I cannot be that far, can I? “Oh, mate, I don’t know where that is, I’m not from the area and I can’t find it!” Fuck you! Bye! Back to number 1.
11. Don’t Abuse The Rating System
Give people the power and they will trash you with no mercy. You know that when you give four stars out of five it means that you don’t want that driver to do UBER anymore, right? If you find a clean car, a polite driver, a neutral smell and an usual route, why would you give four stars, or even less! Book luxury if you want more, but you don’t like it because it’s too expensive for you, isn’t it? Or, maybe you had a bad day (wanna hear about mine?), don’t take it on your driver, be reasonable, rating affects drivers a lot! If everything went normal, hit the five star button. You don’t give a five star only for extra service, you also tip for that.
12. If You Book Your Driver Late At Night And For Very Long Trips Talk To Your Driver
Ok driver, start the trip! It’s London–Manchester at 11pm. Even if the driver just started his shift, it’s still a long trip during the wrong hours. Our brain is not made to stay awake at night, even after eating coffee beans. For safety reasons talk to your driver, keep him entertained, so he doesn’t fall asleep. He/She will never tell you they feel tired because you’ll get scared, but that doesn’t mean they are not. It’s even harder to stay awake while driving with people sleeping next to you. It is like trying to stay sober while pumping alcohol into your veins. Even if you are tired, stay awake and socialise with your driver. You don’t want to wake up on the other side, do you?
13. Do Not Throw Anything Out The Window, Spit, Shout, Try To Have Sex
Like someone I know said, “if I’m not invited, no one is having it!”. When I booked my first ever UBER I was going to her place after a first date. We were both almost drunk and our hands weren’t behaving, we were kissing intensely and I can imagine how difficult that must have been for the driver, also considering that we were going from central London to Kent. Even more, one part of the motorway was closed and we had to go north, to be able to head south again, very late at night. My hands were in her undies, her hands…, and the driver was also from a culture that doesn’t approve PDA. What we were doing was not just that and that got me my first 1 star. I’m surprised the driver didn’t complain to UBER. All in all, behave on the back seat. Also, do not throw things out the window as you might kill someone. I had this as driver and the guy almost caused an accident behind us by discarding huge water guns on the tarmac on an increased speed road. He wasn’t even the one that made the booking. In this situation it is your responsibility to make sure your friends behave. That’s if you don’t want UBER to ban you because of them. Apologies do not count in a situation like that. Another one is shouting. Why do you have to speak so loud?! I’m driving and loud speaking inside the car is not good for the driver. I’m not saying to whisper, but just talk normal. And don’t tell me it’s not my business, or I’ll kick you out. I’m driving, I need to be comfortable too to concentrate. Last, but not least, stop spitting out the window you disgusting pig, or I’ll slap you silly! Ask me to stop if you want to do it, you get out, finish and then come back in the car. Simple!
14. What To Do If You Fancy An UBER Driver
We are all humans and that should never change, although we are living unfortunate times, when people have a very low EQ. What to do if you feel something about your UBER driver? Well, he or she will never try to hit on you because he/she wants to continue his/her partnership with UBER. Even if he/she fancies you as well, his/her position and the other companies that try to take UBER and private hire drivers out, make it impossible for him/her to make first contact. UBER drivers are required to act professional all the way and if sometimes you think they maybe chat too much, it’s because they like you and are trying to make your journey as pleasant as possible. Rarely an UBER driver will talk if you’re not expressing the will to chat. Sometimes the feelings can be mutual and you both know it. Ask your driver about personal life, maybe he/she is married or in a relationship, maybe not. If you feel like it, give your phone number, or ask if it’s ok to see each other at a later date. Be bold and don’t miss a good opportunity. Remember, we are still humans and amazing things can happen at any given moment! This is how the world works.
15. If You Can Go With An Alternative For The AC, Don’t Ask For It
Imagine the driver, driving around for ten hours or more, with every passenger asking for air conditioning, as cold as it can get. That’s more than 10 hours of fucking winter for that driver. Could you live and drive in those conditions? If you can open the window for better air, open it, don’t just ask for the AC at 30-40 miles per hour… It’s destroying the health in me. If you ask for AC and then open the window too, you’re an idiot! 0 stars!
16. Don’t Blame The Driver For The Road
London has really bad roads. They cover the potholes with cheap tarmac, or just tar, the streets corrode after a few days and we’re back to the Middle Ages. Then you go over the irrational speed bumps that destroy your car in less than a year. Some might blow your tyres if there’s a pothole on the edge of the speed bumps. Considering this, do not blame the driver for the bumpy ride. It’s not his fault England is queer.
17. When You Book At The Airport Don’t Cancel Just Because You See Me Not Moving For A While
When ordering a ride at the airport everything is more strict and if you cancel without contacting me you put both in a difficult situation. In airports you have poor reception and I might be driving towards you already, but your phone might show me standing still. You will be charged a cancelation fee and I would have to go back to the waiting area and pay again. Talk to your driver before anything.
Another one at the airport: DO NOT ask your driver to pick you up from another place, that is not possible.
18. If You Are Carrying A Pet
It is ok to have a small pet which you can hold on your lap, but with large animals it is down to your driver’s discretion if he will allow you and your large pet into the car, unless it’s a guide dog. Even so, the doggo will have to sit in the boot. Just imagine a large dog on impeccable leather seats. Scratches are inevitable and if the driver would have ten like you a day, his car would look rubbish in a couple of months. Are you going to pay him to replace the seats? Even more than that, a lot of UBER drivers own the cars. Be understanding and order a different type of vehicle if you plan on bringing along Bigfoot.
19. When You Are Sick
First thing you can do if you’re feeling sick is to ask your driver to pull over before vomiting. If you do it in the vehicle you put the driver in a very unpleasant situation. He will lose money that day because he needs to clean the vehicle and you will be the one paying for the luxury valeting service. On top of that, a car someone vomited in is never the same and that smell is almost impossible to get rid of permanently. If it’s something else wrong , you give yourself a chance by allowing the driver to call 999, or even drive in a rush to the nearest emergency service. Whatever it is, tell your driver ahead of time. You’re in good hands as UBER drivers are some of the most experienced drivers on Britain’s roads. They can be life savers.
20. If you are in a wheelchair
First of all, I feel you, but don’t tell me to “fuck off” for suggesting you should order a special vehicle offered through uberASSIST. UBER X drivers of usual vehicles are not trained to handle you, whereas uberASSIST ones have got all the tools to help you feel relaxed and comfortable. DO NOT order a normal UBER X if you are in a wheelchair, the vehicle is not fit to carry you and the driver is not trained. Plus, why would I break my back struggling to place you in the car and risk hurting you even more. This is not right, before ordering think about your safety.
XTRA
Do not send parcels with UBER, you have to be in the vehicle too. How do I know it’s not drugs, or even worse…
Travel yourself to life!
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