Oh, Amsterdam… Finally, a city that’s way more romantic than Paris! Why we go to Amsterdam is not a mystery, so if you’re telling yourself that you go there for the museums, you’re just a hypocrite in disguise. Plus, everyone will be like, “yeah, right!“.

     On we go! Due to certain technical issues I had during my stays there I don’t have too many photos to delight you with. I do have some valuable advice for the junkie in you. You’re going there to get stoned and I can’t blame you. Weed is good and makes you feel good and relaxed. If you also combine it with alcohol the effect is even more intense. I found out that I’m one of those people that after a day or two develops a kind of immunity and can’t feel much even while smoking and drinking. I usually have to try and enjoy the first days as much as possible.

Transport

     After arriving at Schiphol Airport go to the ticket machines you can find everywhere before the exit and buy yourself a ticket to Amsterdam Centraal. That’s the main train station in the city. Buy return and get a slight discount. When you go to the station to board their Star Trek lookalike trains, don’t forget to tap your ticket on the machine, there are no gates to stop you from getting in. I am not sure, but you might get a ticket if you forget to validate your card. Once in Amsterdam you have trams and buses that can take you around the city. I really like going around by foot and explore like a local. You can rent a bike from practically anywhere and that’s a chic option if you like it green. If you enjoy walking you have to pay attention when crossing the street, I mean it! No one on a bike is shouting at you to watch out and they will run you over. Taxis are an option too.

Culture

      The Dutch are the tallest people in the world. The women there are stunning, blonde and really, really voluptuous. They have a kind of innocence like the girls living in the countryside (that’s a compliment). Although they are not a romance country, I felt a very romantic connection with them. It is an amazing country and the people are some of the most welcoming you can find. As you know already, they’re also some of the most open people towards recreational drugs, not that recreational too and sex tourism. Don’t be fooled though, they don’t like you knowing and labelling them from that perspective and that’s understandable, they have much other good stuff to offer, like art, architecture, food, lifestyle and two lips, oh, sorry, tulips… 🙂 We’ll get to the two lips later. I love Holland for all of these.

Attractions

     I’m not going to bore you with talks about museums and literature, but I am going to present you the Amsterdam I got to know during my short stays there.

     Whether you are a fan of sex tourism or not, you’ve got to visit the Red Light District. You’ve probably seen all sorts of documentaries about the stories behind the scenes with women that are forced into having sex for money and that is true and untrue. Some are forced and probably the authorities know about it and are an active part in it, and other women are just doing it for money and pleasure. You cannot say they are all forced, nor that some not forced into it. When there I met strong and soft women. From experience I now that the weak ones are the ones falling pray to exploitation. Everything in that district is properly managed by the matrons and authorities and everyone is making money out of it. If you try to change that you’ll disturb a lot of powerful people that won’t like you on the longterm, or short. 😉 You know what I mean. Visit the district, enjoy the beautiful women there physically, or through the windows, DON’T take pictures with them and try to understand a different world, that goes back to our actual beginning as species.

     On Nieuwendijk street you’ll find loads of coffeeshops where you can smoke all varieties of weed you can think of. From strong spliffs to vaping (smoke machines), you have it all. That is a good area to stay, as it’s in the middle of everything. You also have a supermarket with fairly expensive water. You’ll find it very inconvenient to buy water in Amsterdam, and you’ll need loads of it.

     The canals in Amsterdam are amazing. Go and walk them all or take a boat and maybe you’ll pick up some Dutch person. Mostly tourists on the boats, but that should be a good thing. I noticed that people are more likely to hook up in Amsterdam then in Paris.

     Let’s talk a bit about drugs. Under no circumstance you should try the magic mushrooms (shrooms). And if you do decide to have them, DO NOT take the whole box at once like the seller told you. My brother ended up in hospital with blurry eyes, he couldn’t pee, drink or eat. All that after vomiting hoping it will prevent him from feeling worse. Those are no joke and the locals will confirm. Dutch people don’t do mushrooms and neither the growers. If you feel cool you might like taking them in very small portions, but you’ll ruin your holiday and the others’. You need to think it’s not only your holiday. And NEVER take them if no one is sober, or you’re on your own. It is so easy to die from those, you have no idea. Shrooms = Poison.

     When it comes to weed, the weirder the place, the better the weed. Try them all and start with the soft ones first, if you’re new to this. They also have inhalers for non smokers, to make it a smoother experience.

     You’ll hear a lot the THE BULLDOG name. If they are that big don’t think they always have the best shit. Never buy the brownies that are wrapped in plastic and labelled like in the supermarket. Find the places that bake the muffins in house. Usually they have them lying around next to the till and are fresh. I had them from a very obscure looking place, and they tasted amazing. Good places look like that. Try the 5mg ones or go higher with the 10mg one. Be advised that you will regurgitate that weed smell for about 6 hours. If you don’t enjoy the taste and smell of weed, don’t try it or you’ll be sick very fast. I had the muffin after smoking two large spliffs and I was sober. I’m immune though. Most people are not, so go gradually. DO NOT buy the brownies or muffins that are wrapped like products on the shelves and sold in places with souvenirs, even if it’s a THE BULLDOG coffeeshop. You’ll be disappointed. I’ll go back and find the place I am talking about above, as at the time I had no clue I’m gonna miss it. Amazing muffin though! As it should be.

     Eye Film Museum is also a must. Drink and drive your taste to unlimited possibilities in a highly sophisticated atmosphere. Cross the river with the ferry every 15 minutes.

Nightlife

     For the party “capital” of Amsterdam Reguliersdwarsstraat is the street to be, in the Koningsplein square. Way too many bike riders in that area and no one is sober.

     Parties happen also in Red Light District and they happen really fast. All of a sudden you’re in the hotel, or not…

Shopping

     Shop for weed as much as you like. 🙂

Food

     If you feel like having a regular meal and decent Capuccinos hit the Greenhouse Munchies and if you’re in the mood for delicious chips with amazing toppings go to Manneken Pis. For a delicious and cleansing soup with artisan cola Soup en Zo is the place to be. For a warm asian fast-food pot cooked in front of you and deliciously unhealthy, Wok to Walk is phenomenal. The steam rising from the egg noodles in the Dutch winter cold is bliss. Or maybe it was the weed?! You have to try it to believe it.

     I did not visit any good restaurants during my stays, but rest assured, they have amazing food and locations for any budget or taste. Explore and give me a shout to know where to go next. I’ll update you in the future.

Accommodation

     Ideal is to stay in Amsterdam, as close as possible to the centre. You have hotels and hostels aplenty, although I do not recommend the latter. Under no circumstance should you book Alpha Amsterdam Hotel close to Amsterdam Centraal station. You will regret it, I did. My colleagues chose it for the price. Now I would pay zero for that room and I’d still not stay there. It is a proper miserable accommodation with a view.

     In conclusion Amsterdam is one of the best places to relax, eat, party and get stoned with quality weed. You can go there with or without the kids or partner, ideally without the kids…

Travel yourself to life!

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